Soft v. Strong

The below mentioned product was purchased by me for my personal use. I am not being monetarily paid for this review. I will give my honest opinion and thoughts regarding said product anyway.

I haven’t reviewed anything in a while and I’m bored so I thought it was about time I enlighten you as to the type of toilet paper we use at the U2BM house. I know. This is HUGE.

You see, while the rest of the world is worrying about who they should vote for, the state of the economy, whether oral sex is really sex or who shot J.R., I am here, thinking about you my dear, loyal, loving readers. Because you are all that matters to me right now (The Man is at work, the kids are in bed, there is nothing on TV).

Now, let me preface this with the fact that I never really thought there was a difference as far as TP went. I mean, when you put it on the roll, as long as the free flap is on the outside so you can find it in the middle of the night, and as long is it’s soft, absorbent and not colored or scented, who really cares. Right? Me? I usually bought what was on sale. All that changed however, when I met my soon to be husband.

He came with some baggage such as an ex-wife, three year old daughter, expensive hobbies and a demand for a certain kind of TP. None of that el-cheapo stuff he said. He didn’t want sand paper on his ass. When he wipes, he wants something that will do the job without leaving him the need to soak in a hot bath. I just wanted something that wouldn’t leave pee on my hand.

So for years, we have used Charmin. I don’t remember exactly when, but at some point it became Charmin Ultra Soft. All I can say with certainty is that we’ve always used the RED Charmin. Me: “What kind of TP is it?” Him: “RED. Make sure you buy the RED one.” Got it.

That would be Charmin Ultra Strong.

Years went buy. We were loyal. We only used the Red one. Then one day, I was at the store and there was no Red Charmin. There was however, Blue Charmin. So I bought it.

Charmin Ultra Soft.

And we used it. And that husband of mine loovvvveeeddd it. Said it was The Best Toilet Paper he’d ever had and please, continue buying it. He asked me a the dinner table. He asked me while I was in the shower. He called me at work and said “don’t forget TP at the store. Get the Blue stuff.”

The problem was, I wasn’t in love with Blue Charmin. I had issues with the Blue stuff. Don’t get me wrong. It is soft. Like, I could put a pillow case on the package and use it for a pillow, soft. That wasn’t a problem. It was 2 ply and that was good. I never felt leakage. I liked that. It felt really, really nice (and SOFT) on my nether regions. The problem was that it tends to, oh, I don’t know how to put it, shred? Roll up? Come apart while wiping? Leave a trail? Now, I’m not a vigorous wiper or anything but I noticed little white linty type remnants down there. I did not like it. Not One Little Bit.

I thought perhaps it was the batch so I went ahead and bought it again. Same thing. I bought the Red stuff again and guess what? No rolling. No shredding. No leftovers. That is what I want in a TP.

I want something stealth. Something that cleans up then goes away quietly without leaving a trace that it’s been there. That my friends, is why we use Charmin Ultra Strong. It’s the RED one.


(This is NOT a paid review. It is however a sad look into my boring life.)